Calming Our Anger
Casey Wayne • Sep 15, 2020
Moving from Anger to Love and Grace
“For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1:20 ESV
Anger is an emotion we all experience. It can come about through a situation that annoys us, inconveniences us and spills out when just one more thing is added to a whole list of things stressing us out. Anger is actually considered a secondary emotion because it is what we feel in response to a variety of other emotions. It can be because we feel afraid, disrespected, worried, pressured or even a combination of emotions.
Anger from the unexpected
Since becoming a mother of two young children I have experienced a wide variety of emotions, some more deeply than ever before. Some emotions I expected, like worry, deep love and happiness. What I didn’t expect was the level of anger I could feel. The sleep deprivation, constant stress, and non-stop spinning that come with children led to a lot of frustration that spilled out on my husband, kids and pet. Like we all experience, the stress started building and I was struggling to manage it.
I found myself getting angry a lot more than I anticipated, and feeling regret each time, knowing they did not deserve it. I had never seen myself as an angry person and did not like the version of me I had become. But my circumstances were creating a perfect storm for my anger to get the best of me.
I started assuming ill intent in my family’s words and actions. Little things would set me off. I didn’t want to be frustrated all the time, but I also couldn’t stop it with any of the things I had tried to calm my stress.
I knew that the anger was being destructive to my life and relationships. Romans 12:21 says, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” And I knew if I didn’t do something, my marriage would continue to feel the impact. I wanted to do better and be better for my family. One day I was reminded of a quote that I had seen years ago: “Sometimes God doesn’t change your circumstances because He is trying to change your heart”. I realized that to stop letting my anger take over, I had to redirect my eyes to Him.
Turning back to Him
Knowing I needed to get back into God’s word, I got a new devotional to help me focus on my daily walk with the Lord. I asked Him to soften my heart and restore my marriage so that it could bring Him glory. With all the stress and anger, that relationship had suffered more than I wanted to admit. But I also knew my relationship with God had to come first. Proverbs 3:6 says, “in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight”.
After taking some time to focus on my relationship with God, my heart softened. My patience increased and I was able to start giving love and grace to my family in times of frustration, instead of lashing out in anger.
I started seeing more opportunities to love and serve them as we are called to do with everyone around us.
I will not say it is always easy. Each day is its own battle for my heart and attention. We must spend time daily in the Word. If you are struggling with anger and it is impacting those around you, pray for God to restore your relationships and soften your heart; giving you a godly perspective.
He can open your eyes so you can give grace to those around you. Those frustrating moments of daily life can then become opportunities to share grace and love to those around you.
“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.”
2 Peter 3:18 ESV
Casey Wayne
Monthly Contributor
Casey is a lovely stay-at-home Mom of two toddlers and a former teacher who loves planning, writing, and animal science. You can follow her Instagram @Peace.of.Faith and Facebook at Peace.of.Faith for reminders of God's peace and promises. Visit her blog at Peaceoffaith.org.
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God does expect us to be patient. He expects us to not act or react in a hasty manner especially in certain situations. When we react without exhibiting patience, this often has negative repercussions. God included “patience” as a fruit of the Spirit which is meant to allow us to grow and walk in the Spirit of the Lord. “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ” Galatians 5:22, NIV I’m sure we all can think about a time when we were kids and were impatient. We wanted something right away but we had to be patient. From wanting to be first in line, the first one to see something, or simply wanting our parents to leave the grocery. Of course, our parents told us to be patient. Now we all either have kids or have interacted with kids at some point. We’ve seen them become impatient and we try to calm them down. We tell them to be patient and to sit still. This is how God wants us to be as well. God doesn’t want us to rush. He wants us to slow down while learning patience. Many of us want to rush the process. The “instant gratification” has become so popular. We can get food delivered, cars delivered, and charge our phones almost anywhere nowadays. We have gotten so used to getting what we want instantly that we often forget that sometimes patience is needed on this journey. The goal isn’t always being first. It’s about being patient and obedient to the will of God. If God is calling us to wait and to have patience, then that’s what we should do. To be completely honest, I sometimes get a little hasty myself. I want to do things my way. I don’t want to wait on God and see what He says. I recently realized that God will slow you down when you aren’t listening to Him and refusing to be patient. A quick story: I was at a certain place where it takes quite a while to get checked in. This was my first time going there, so I was a little anxious. By the time I had made it to the back of this establishment, I was tired and I wanted to simply rush the process. I went to have a seat and I thought to myself, that the exchange that this person and I had was a little short and quickened. That’s not the impression I want to leave at any place. In that moment, I asked God to calm me down. I asked Him to help me change my attitude and focus on what’s important. He told me to, “be patient”. I immediately sensed a calmness come over me. I knew that God saw, felt, and heard everything I had just experienced and that I didn’t like it. A complete shift in my attitude changed the trajectory of my day. I’ve been back to that certain place and I am mindful of the people who are there. I am mindful of my interactions because we’re all in need of something and me being patient can help them get me through the process a lot faster. “ Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ” Romans 12:12, NIV God wants us all to be loving, kind, and patient individuals who lead others into positivity. There are going to be times when we don’t feel like being with others and even ourselves. That is why it’s important to become acquainted with Bible verses, so that when anxiety comes in, we can push it out with the word of God. We can always take our anxious thoughts to God in prayer. God is with us. He knows what we are feeling and what we are thinking. That alone shows us that we can be patient and trust in Him. “ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God .” Philippians 4:6, NIV
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